


Will Graham is Immune to Bribery

by Rene_Dullahan



Series: When I LARP with my Girlfriend [3]
Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: (she's mean like that), Abigail Hobbs Lives, Abigail can't handle her dads flirting over the internet, BAMF Will Graham, Bribery, Bribery fails, Chat rooms, Edvin: I'm not mean. I'm evil!, Hannibal is a Cannibal, LARPing, LARPing with my girlfriend, M/M, Murder Family, My girlfriend still won't help me tag the stuff we write together, Will Graham Loves His Dogs, Will Graham is a Tease, Will Graham likes to see Hannibal suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 16:59:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9081460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rene_Dullahan/pseuds/Rene_Dullahan
Summary: Will has had enough of Hannibal using The Pack to get rid of evidence...Part of the 'When I LARP with my Girlfriend' series, but can be read as a stand alone.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Rene | Will Graham  
> Dev | Hannibal Lecter  
> and our good friend, mr_dulcet, played Abigail Hobbs  
> 

**Will** :

            Goddammit it, Hannibal! Stop using my dogs as ways to destroy evidence!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Wil, I am not taking advantage, nor "using". I am simply making good use of my resources.

 

 **Will** :

            You are 'taking advantage' of my DOGS.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Canines.

 

 **Will** :

            …

 

 **Hannibal** :

            I'm quite sure Pedro is actually part wolf. Therefore, canines.

 

 **Will** :

            ...Yup, you’re sleeping on the couch for the next month.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Will! That is entirely unfair!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            I will wash your canines clean of blood. Does that sound a sufficient compensation?

 

 **Will** :

            ...

 **Will** :

            ...You feed my dogs people you have killed without my consent...

** Will: **

            So…

 **Will** :

            No.

 **Will** :

            You’re going to have to do better than that.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            I always check if they have any diseases, first, so no harm can really come to them. If you wish, I will feed them only animal for a week. But I'm quite sure that they have gained a taste for homosapien by now.

 

 **Will** :

            Nope.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Will! That is very generous, you must see!

 

 **Will** :

            Abigail, talk some sense into you father.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            WILL! STOP THIS FOOLISHNESS!!!!

 

 **Will** :

            No.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Abigail, dear, you mustn’t fret. Will is just behaving badly.

 

 **Will** :

            You’re on the couch until further notice.

 

 **Abigail** :

            No, Dad’s (Will) right.

 

 **Will** :

            Thank you Abigail. *Smiles*

 

 **Abigail** :

            *Smiles back*

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Then I am loathe to inform you that an Ikea is just down the road. They have a sale on beds and mattresses, I hear. *Glares at Abigail*

 

 **Will** :

            Hannibal! You aren’t getting out of it that easily!

 

 **Abigail** :

            *Smiles innocently*

 

 **Hannibal** :

            *Glowers* I’ll be at Ikea, if you need anything…

 

 **Will** :

            *Pats Abigail on the head*

 

 **Hannibal** :

            STOP MAKING HER YOUR MINION, WILLIAM!!!!!!!!

 

 **Abigail** :

            *Laughs*

 

 **Will** :

            *Smiles innocently and flutters eyelashes* Whatever did I do?

 

 **Hannibal** :

            You kissed me. Therefore, you are automatically evil.

 

 **Will** :

            I think the press would disagree; according to them, I am a damsel that has been taken captive by that terrible monster… Hannibal the Cannibal!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            I’m sure I can get dear Freddie to… _revise_ her previous statement. Although in all honesty, she is quite the horrid woman…

 

 **Abigail** :

            Father, why are you bringing _her_ into this? There’s no reason for it.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Just as there was no reason for William to recruit you.

 

 **Abigail** :

            *Gasps*

 

 **Will** :

            HANNIBAL!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            … My apologies. That was not meant as any form of offense.

 

 **Will** :

            Back to the matter at hand; I’ll let you in my bed after two weeks…If you behave.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Waiting for such time to elapse is a pointless endeavor made petty by your later comment. I am no dog! And I have no such inclination to “behave”.

 

 **Will** :

            Last night would contradict your statement.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            ...... typical Will. Always bringing sexual intercourse into everything. I’ll buy a canine pack of my own if you have such wishes.

 

 **Will** :

            And if you did get dogs, you would have to care for them...imagine it: All those fleas, slobber all over your best suits, and the shed fur…!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            ... Abbie, dear. I know a way you can earn money.

 

 **Will** :

            And you can't have Abbie care for them; she has school. You want her to succeed, yeah?

 

 **Abigail** :

            Yeah, please don't drag me into this.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Will, I feel you enjoy my misery.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            I could just hire someone!

 

 **Will** :

            Then the couch it is for you, love.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Why?! It seems a perfectly plausible idea!

 

 **Will** :

            But then someone would know we are here. Abby and I are listed as having been kidnapped, you know.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Will, you have a PACK of dogs. surely, you wouldn't notice a few more...?

 

 **Will** :

            … perhaps, you can convince me...?

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Oh? I rather like that idea.

 

 **Abigail** :

            Oh no... oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! NO!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            What would you think of a few... toys? Abby, you may want to leave the chat room.

 

 **Will** :

            I would not be opposed to the idea…

 

 **Abigail** :

            I'M GOING TO LEAVE NOW!!!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Hmm? And what more?

 

 **Will** :

            ...You're on the couch for the next few days.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            THAT'S HARDLY FAIR!!!!!!! Perhaps a day.... indoors, would convince you?

 

 **Will** :

            I don’t know…

 

 **Hannibal** :

            _With_ the toys?

 

 **Will** :

            Hmmmm....

 

 **Hannibal** :

            ... _And_ no murders for two days?

 

 **Will** :

            *raises an eyebrow* Do you think you could manage that?

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Yes. If I had the promise of dog care, that is. Think of all we could... ACCOMPLISH, if you said yes.

 

 **Will** :

            Hmmmmmm…

            How about…

            …

            …

            …

            …

            …

            …

            FUCK. NO.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            WHAT IF I BUY YOU A NEW DOG, TOO!?

 

 **Will** :

            Honey, if I was that easy to bribe, I never would have made it as a cop in New Orleans.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Four new dogs. And an extended wing in which to house them

 

 **Will** :

            Abigail? What's your take on the matter?

 

 **Abigail** :

            It’s not enough. *smug smirk at Hannibal*

 

 **Will** :

            I thought so too…

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Abby! I'll tell him about Jake.

 

 **Abigail** :

            You. Wouldn't. Dare.

 **Will** :

            _Who_?

 

 **Abigail** :

            Nobody!!!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Sweetie, of course, I would. We're the Murder Family, as dubbed by dearest Freddie, after all.

 

 **Will** :

            Tell me about _who_?

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Abigail, would you like to re-word your take?

 

 **Abigail** :

            …

            Throw in another dog, and it'll be perfect...

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Five dogs it is! How does that sound, William?

 

 **Will** :

            No.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Why not?!

 

 **Will** :

            Because I like seeing you suffer.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            If you say no one more time, I'll cut myself off from civilization. Again. Just so you can't see me suffer.

 

 **Will** :

            …

 

 **Hannibal** :

            YES OR NO, WILLIAM?!

 

 **Will** :

            …

 

 **Hannibal** :

            WILLIAM GRAHAM!!!!!!

 

 **Will** :

            ...

 

 **Hannibal** :

            William. Graham. I am this far away from refraining sexual actions for a week!

 

 **Will** :

            ...Fuck me until I can't walk properly for weeks. Get me nine purebred wolves- Five males, four females-, and a new wing of the house just for my pack. Then, I _might_ consider it.

 

** Abigail:  **

            Oh, well that's my cue to go to a friend's house and never return, bye!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            …

            ...All of that?

 

 **Will** :

            Well, you could get me ten wolves. Five male and five female.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Nine it is! Sounds good! Now perhaps fulfilling the first part of the deal is in order...

 

 **Will** :

            One more thing. I get to strap you down during sex.

 

 **Hannibal** :

            William!

 

 **Will** :

            :D

            You get to watch me ride you!

 

 **Hannibal** :

            ... Fine. *Shifts slightly, looking around conspicuously*

 

 **Will** :

            And after I recover from the fuck, you get to…

 

 **Hannibal** :

            Yes?

 

 **Will** :

            …

 

 **Hannibal** :

            YES?

 

 **Will** :

            …

 

 **Hannibal** :

            YES!?

 

 **Will** :

            ...Enjoy the couch for a week! :D

 

 **Hannibal** :

            WILLIAM FRANKLIN FUCKING GRAHAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End!

**Author's Note:**

> Edvin: Ah, the murder family dynamics never get old.  
> Rene: Yup! And thank you, Lect, for putting up with our nagging.  
> you can find me at https://pandora-helion.tumblr.com/ I have just started posting about my stories, and even then I won't be a thing I do often. so be warned.


End file.
